before i forget....wats been on my mind....it feels although even though i try to get better it doesnt happen....theres always somethin there to hold me back.....i pick the pencil and try...but for somereason i just dont feel the feeling anymore.....its not just drawling....but anything i try to accomplish anymore.....is it right?.....just anytime i try any more...i know we all have flaws....you are gonna mess up.....and for the longest i knew this and always try my best...even though im bound to fail....buts anytime i try anymore....and fuck up...im op...for me though theres deep hatred in me that takes over and i stop....it tortures me....i never feel anger towards most people....but myself.....but i dont want to hate people....i dont wanna get mad at them....theres no reason....i always let anything go....and later i potray my anger onto myself perhaps?...."sigh" i dont know i dont want to be hated by others.....i am happy though for a reason....and I love that reason....they always make it feel better...although...it seems this promblem i have may be insecurity that i have to deal with myself?.....it seems like i always know the problem but dont know how to solve it....am i afraid of failure again?.....or....is it just that i feel narcissistic for trying to help myself....i try to put others ahead of myself....i love to help and watch others succeed...am i afraid of change in myself i also wonder?....an i afraid that i make myself better in someway....itll change me completely....so far all ive been doin is not changing myself but revealing what was once lost in my mind....does that mean im finding myself?....or does that mean im merly just uncovering wat i kept locked away for so long.....i do wanna get better....i really do...i am an optimistic person...but only for others...but im with someone who i have great optimism for....i have to get optimism for my self now....for the both of us....for the future for they are the reason...and i love that reason....



"sigh" yeps....i turned 18 today....not to uhh get superstisious but is heavy rain on your bday a bad sign? ^____^;....anyways i graduated like alil over a month ago....but nothings changed in me really...sure i gots great friends.....i still need a job and to go to college....buts.....i still feel the same inside....hes still there....but i feel the same....and with lots of help from a friend.....i stayed "sane" while he was gone....but dont pay attention to that last part....thats jus crazy shit...from a sane person....18....to be honest i didnt think id make it this far.....to be honest i thought my fatass woulda' gave in by now.....but somehow...even though....im always pulling through with anything...i gueese its luck....but i dont know....u ever get the feeling that tommorows ur last day?...or somethin like that i gueese....i mean its not like i live every day all daring and such....but i try to make it good for others....even though i have my "emo moments" it does feel good to help other people....yep...i still dont know wat i really wanna do with my life.....i dont feel like ill be able to keep a job or anything like that....i mean ill work hard and such...but im not really a mourning person...and do you know how many days i missed of school cause of my "emo moments" in the mourning?..."sigh" i dont know i jus dont see myself being that much of an adult at all....im really still immature up here "knocks on head" if ya know what i mean....but i dont wanna change...its a'me...i think im meant to be immature....its like wired into me for some reason and to be also i have to be honest i think i am a big perv, but a nice guy none the less ....and he....my consious keeps me goin through the tough stuff....u kno the "mature reality stuff".....i also didnt think id see myself writing this out....well typing it out....this has to be the longest and honest thing ive ever typed in my life....X3....anyways anyone who actually reads this...kudos to ya X3 "bear hug"



im sure ya's noticed most of my new works....is....well kinda looks to be me.....or close to it....most of the characters have the same features....and when i draw jus seems like they look the same....so i havent posted them.....jus the good ones.....which jus so happens to be ones of me.... seems alil narcissitic i kno...buut im not and u's should kno...rofls ....im tryn to looks at references for new ideas....buts....i dont kno.... jus dont feel rite...feels like im stealing the persons ideas.....i mean i got lots of OC(original characters) im thinkn of....buut.....jus their personalities and stuff likes that....and great weapon ideas.....but the features are a different story...."sigh".....i knows i gotta to get my own ideas



The rules :

Choose a singer/band/group
Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group.
Tag 6 more people (let them know they've been tagged)


My choice :
Maximum the Hormone

1. Male or female?
"Mr. Boogie Tambourine Man" (Mrブギータンブリンマン ) – 3:02

2. Describe yourself
"Koi no Mega Lover"

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
"What's Up, People?!"

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
"Nobodys (Cover)" (Nobodys (カバ ))

5. Describe your current relationship.
"Fake"

6. Where would you want to be now?
"Rolling1000toon" – 2:46

7. How do you feel about love?
"Heisei Strawberry Vibe" (平成ストロベリーバイブ ) – 3:12


8. What's your life like?
"Machine-Gun Kuso Boogie" (マシンガン糞ブギ )

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
"Shine"

10. Say something wise.
"Chu Chu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nururu Rero Rero" (チューチュー ラブリー ムニムニ ムラムラ プリンプリン ボロン ヌルル レロレロ )

Srry Peoples u have been tagged